After releasing my video artwork: The Abstract Self-Portrait in 2018, I began using the term abstract self-portrait to depict my paintings. From a simple title to a more comprehensive meaning that captures the process and intention of my art. In the video I transformed painting Say Yes When You Want To Say No #6 into video and sound. With each added layer the painting and video unfolds, where color accentuates a tone and no paint implies no sound. It created new gateways into that in-between experience I’m searching for. The video constructs moments of contradictions and connections between process and result, painting and sound and between myself and the viewer. That it isn’t one answer that I’m looking for, but it’s precisely that moment in-between.

The term abstract self-portrait is the reflection of how my mind works. I paint and portray what is going on in my head in an abstract way. The geometric abstraction comes forth from my translation of daily life, in which contradictions and connections are intertwined. Constantly in battle and in balance. This never-ending interaction is what drives me and what I have been experiencing all my life. A natural urge to be part of something, but simultaneously knowing that it’s not the answer. From that agitation and the struggle with my obsessive perfectionism, I search for a peace of mind. However, I do not believe in one answer (peace of mind) and therefore experience the moment in-between as sublime. The abstract self-portrait is literally what I’m painting while searching for that moment and what I want the viewer to experience too. The artwork tells my story of making choices, the experience of doubt, order vs chaos, freedom vs rules, pattern vs breakthrough, control vs letting go, etc.

I’m currently working on a new series, called Stumbling, about the experience of where one is almost falling, but manage to stay upright. In addition, I create new process videos as part of the painting. See below for some steps during the process and the final video. And now in this Corona crisis, in which humanity has never been more connected at an appropriate distance, the essence of my work comes to light even more. In which connection and contradiction are on edge and the tension between knowing and not knowing dominates (the in-between).

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