Video (shown with specific conditions at offline exhibitions) 41:41 min 2018
The Abstract Self-Portrait emphasis on the experience of the (painting) process. In my paintings I portray what is going on in my head in an abstract way. I continuously experience a restless feeling between order and chaos. So when I experience too much chaos, I let my obsessive perfectionism run free and if that structure becomes too dominant, I will add chaos again. In this never-ending search for a peace of mind, I experience the contradicting and connecting moment of the in-between as sublime. For this film, I literally transformed painting Say Yes When You Want To Say No #6 into video and sound. It unfolds with each added layer, where color accentuates a tone and no paint implies no sound. I created new gateways through that process into that in-between feeling of self-restraint and complete freedom. The video constructs moments of contradictions and connections between process and result, painting and sound and between myself and the viewer.